Текст песни Half Man Half Biscuit — A Country Practice + аккорды для гитары
Вступление
[Intro]
D Bm D Bm
[Verse 1]
D Bm D Bm
I feel like a beggar accepting alms, then being pelted with figs.
D Bm D Bm
I study my steadily declining chart placings; they greet me with freezing cold inhospitality,
D Bm D Bm
Hey, where did that bloke go who said I was vital?
D Bm D Bm
I possess the mild air of a retail tobacconist, that’s because I’m a retail tobacconist
D Bm D Bm
But the mayflies on a Berkshire trout river would probably tell you a different story
D Bm
About ham-fisted diadems and momentary daydreams
D Bm
Of mythical dividends and illusory boardroom seats.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D D Bm D Bm
[Verse 2]
D Bm D Bm
In the room festooned with fat beef certificates from county shows
D Bm D Bm
Duff Leg Bryn had drank too much again, most of Wem was steering clear of him
D Bm D Bm
“I’ve got no time for this twelfth consecutive Rose Bowl”
D Bm D Bm
‘Cos on Sunday next at ten to four I’ve got an invitation for
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A trip round Kathrine Hamnett’s warehouse, followed by dinner with David Emanuel
D Bm D Bm
Who I can’t wait to tell about my dream in which the almost illegal Elton Welsby
D Bm D Bm
Is dressed as a French maid on a moonless byway, licking his lips as he creeps ever closer
D Bm D Bm
Fast falls the eventide, fast falls the eventide.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm
[Verse 3]
D Bm
The public appearance of bitter ex-soap stars
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Who thought they could go on and do other things besides
D Bm
The Centre Court amusement at the ballboy’s mishap
D Bm
That bobbing up and down thing that they do at the Proms
D Bm D
Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it’s going to be a miserable day
Bm D Bm
Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle, so stick to the facts.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm Em D Em D
[Verse 4]
Em D Em D
Channel Four presents “Blowjob” introduced by Adrian and Sophie Horn
Em D Em D
Who is of course one bloke with a pierced dick who’s just had the nod from Planet 24.
Em D Em D
Hear him say “surreal, bizarre, sad git, yes indeedy, completely and utterly
Em D Em D
Footy, anorak and respect” before whipping the audience up into doing the Time Warp.
Em D
Watch him take us live to “The Queen’s Arse and Firkin”
Em D
Where Joseph Bloggs And His Amazing Technicolor Shellsuit
Em D
Are about to abort their Steely Dan routine
Em D Em D
And instead embark upon fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
[Bridge]
N.C.
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
N.C.
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
Em D Em
Adrian stroke Sophie wants us, the viewers to ring in
D
And say how we think the punters will react.
Em D Em
These are a few of my favourite things.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm
[Verse 5]
D Bm
I’m incredibly bored with the word “millennium”
D Bm
I’m with the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
D Bm
Millions now earmarked will later be wasted
D Bm
Her Majesty, marvellous, Mother – The Musical.
D Bm
The fireworks lighting up the Houses of Parliament
D Bm
Death in Trafalgar Square, death in the armchair
D Bm
Of clichéd old spinsters who’ve never been loved.
[Verse 6]
D Bm D Bm
Every day is Australia Day, “Sons and Daughters” and “Home and Away”
D Bm
And then the news comes on and the sound goes down
D Bm
‘Cos she can’t be bothered with all them politicians
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They’re all just a bunch of flaming drongo’s.
D Bm
She died with her telly on, eighty-seven and confused
D Bm
With not enough hospital beds ‘cos all the money’s been used
D Bm
On the end of the century party preparations
D Bm
And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was
D Bm D Bm
Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican, Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D
[Outro]
E A E
T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee; T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee
B7 E
T for Thatcher, that girl hath made a wreck out of me.
B7 E B7
Old lady labelled me an idle, old lady labelled me an idle
E B7 E A E A E A E
Old lady labelled me an idle layabout. Layabout. Layabout.